


How to dig a grave during a barbecue

by YouCantKeepMeDown



Series: Mafia Archangels [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate universe - Mafia, Barbecue, Fluff, Gore-y Fluff, Illegal Activities, M/M, Murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 12:51:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13318494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouCantKeepMeDown/pseuds/YouCantKeepMeDown
Summary: Relaxing is pretty hard, if your boyfriend is the leader of a big criminal organization





	How to dig a grave during a barbecue

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I lied a bit. In the end notes of the part before this I hinted that the next story was going to be about Michael hunting down Abaddon. That's still going to happen, but I needed to write something less serious first.
> 
> I wrote this for the SPN AU and Trope Bingo for the square domestic!AU. And just so you know, I think domestic!AUs are often insufferably boring (except when Brieflymaximumprincess writes them). So this became something different.
> 
> Michael and Lucifer settling things via rock, paper, scissors was Askatosch's idea. (Michael walking around half naked and in a skirt, too ;-P To be fair, thought, you only have to do an image search for Matt Cohen to know where the half naked part comes from.)
> 
> I also want to thank my wonderful beta reader [coplins](http://archiveofourown.org/users/coplins) who's also writing a series about the archangels at the moment. Go check her writing out.

Sam still isn’t used to seeing all of the Archangels in one place. Being in a room with four people with the combined body count of a small village is a bit unsettling, even if you’re regularly sleeping with one of them. So he’s glad they’re at least meeting on his home turf. Michael has agreed to do the barbecue at the Winchester’s house instead of the Archangel’s mansion.

That helps a little. What doesn’t help is how weird it is to see them all in casual summer clothes.

It’s a very hot day. Sam is wearing shorts and a t-shirt, Dean too. Lucifer has opted for jeans and a tank top, and Sam has to admit that it makes for a nice view while he lounges on a sun chair in their garden. Gabriel looks like he’d missed a plane to Hawaii or something, and someone who is a very skilled hacker and infamous for making it look like the people he killed got into very awkward accidents really shouldn’t appear that ridiculously harmless. Raphael had shown up in camo pants and a tank top pretty similar to Lucifer’s, and seeing her not in a suit is weird enough. But Michael is definitely the worst.

Michael wears nothing but a colorful wrap around skirt and and flip flops. And right now he’s standing next to Lucifer’s sun chair with a cocktail in his hand, chatting about something that involves blackmail and/or bribery of Very Important People. It make Sam’s head reel.

“I brought dessert by the way,” Gabriel says from where he’s standing with Dean at the barbecue. They had been arguing about how to properly prepare the meat, but apparently they’d come to an agreement by now.

“I’ve seen the cake in the kitchen,” Raphael says. She’s sitting in a canopy swing by the porch. “Looked like something only you would bring.”

Sam has seen the cake, too. It looks like eating only one piece of it will make you gain at least ten pounds instantly.

“Hey, the guy who made it has real talent,” Gabriel says. “He’s working for the bakery that prepared the huge drug smuggling cake. You remember that one, Raphe?”

Raphael pulls a face that makes it clear that this isn’t one of her favorite memories.

“Drug smuggling cake?” Sam asks, not sure if he really wants to hear that story.

Gabriel grins. “Don’t worry Samsquatch, there are no drugs in this cake. And I tell you, that guy knows what he’s doing! So much talent is totally wasted on something that’s mostly a money laundering front.”

Before Gabriel can go into more detail the doorbell rings. Dean hands the barbecue tongs over to Gabriel. “I’ll get that.”

Michael looks up from his talk with Lucifer. “Stay put, Dean!” His voice leaves no room for arguments, and at the same time there’s a barely conceivable hand movement and a look he shares with Lucifer. That’s all it needs for Sam’s boyfriend to pick up a gun that has been laying near by, get up and walk towards the house. Michael’s wrap around skirt and the flips flops make that exchange look really surreal, Sam thinks.

Dean grumbles something about him being able to look out for himself, but they all know, with the threats Abaddon had been spouting, it’s better to be careful. Sam looks around to make sure that his own gun is still in the holster slung over the backrest of his chair. He probably won’t need it, but it’s reassuring. So much for this being a relaxing afternoon.

* * *

Dean isn’t sure whose idea the barbecue was, his or Gabriel’s, but he loves it. They’d all been way too worried recently, with that Abaddon bitch spouting threats and all of them working too much in general.

Now the meat is almost done – as well as the vegetables he put on the grill, because Sam insisted – his stomach is grumbling in anticipation, and whoever just rung the doorbell is probably just trying to sell girl scout cookies or something. He won’t let it ruin this afternoon.

Then Lucifer steps out on the porch, casually throwing a knife in the air and catching it again. A knife that as a slight tint of red on the blade. “Hey, Dean,” he says, a somewhat apologetic smile on his face. “Where should I put the body that’s currently lying in your hallway?”

Fuck.

Sam almost chokes on his drink, but that’s the only visible reaction Lucifer gets. Dean manages to stay calm on the outside, even though on the inside he’s going all _Fuck fuck fuck_ the longer he thinks about this. There’s a dead body in his hallway. That probably means blood, too. What if someone comes to investigate?

“What happened?” Michael steps next to Dean and puts a hand on his shoulder and that helps a little. Dean takes a deep breath.

Lucifer looks down on the bloody knife, moves to wipe it on his pants, but then thinks better of it. “There was a guy that said he had mail that could only be delivered to Dean Winchester personally. I asked him to come in, asked him nicely – well, at gunpoint – to hand the mail to me. It turned out to be a dummy, and he tried to fight. I managed to not shoot him, so we don’t have to worry about the neighbors, and I think there’s only blood on the floor, not on the walls or the furniture. Was a clean stab to the heart.”

“Wait,” Dean says, all of a sudden not worried about blood and evidence any more. “That guy was really here to kill me?”

“Or kidnap you,” Raphael adds not very helpfully.

Michael’s grip on Dean’s shoulder is a bit painful by now, but that’s the only sign that he’s angry about the events. Dean has to admit it’s kinda nice knowing that someone pretty dangerous is getting angry on his behalf.

“Does this ruin our plans for today?” Gabriel asks. “Because the meat is done by now and you all promised you would relax a bit for a change. Do we have to get back to work now or can this wait until after dessert?”

That makes Sam give an unbelieving snort-laugh, but Dean knows this family a bit longer by now. And he’s slowly calming down again. If anyone comes asking questions, Michael will sort it out. And he’d known there would be an attempt on his life or something along the lines. Granted, it’s something different to actually see it happen, but it had taken Lucifer a few seconds to deal with it. He’s safe here. There’s no reason to freak.

“You … uhm …” His brains start working slowly again. “We can bury the body back there by the bushes.” He points as far away from the barbecue as possible, because no way a dead body will come near his food.

“Okay,” Lucifer says. “But I won’t do the digging work. I killed him. It’s someone else’s turn now.”

Raphael leans back in the canopy swing. “You clean up your own messes, that’s the rule, Lucifer.”

“Well, technically it’s Michael’s mess, because it’s his boyfriend they’re after,” Lucifer argues.

Seriously, that’s something they’re fighting about? Dean shares a look with Sam, who still looks a bit tense, but just shrugs. That’s what you get from getting yourself a mafia boyfriend.

“Can you not fight?” Gabriel says. “Just pull straws or something.”

“Fine.” Lucifer wipes the knife on his pants now anyway, then kneels to put it back into a sheath hidden in his right boot. Finally he walks up to Michael and extends his fist towards him. “Rock, paper, scissors, come on.”

“Seriously?” Sam asks. Now it’s Dean who just shrugs after he shares another look with his brother. Whatever gets the dead body out of his hallway. He isn’t particularly picky in that regard.

They go about it with quite some posing. Lucifer choses rock, Michael scissors. Lucifer grins and fistpumps. “Happy shoveling!”

Michael glares at his younger brother, but Dean steps between them, wraps his arms around sun warmed, mostly naked hips and kisses his boyfriend. “I’ll help. Let me just get a shovel.”

Michael nods, and only throws one last look at Lucifer over Dean’s shoulder. “Can you at least mop up the blood?”

“Yeah, okay, whatever …”

* * *

In the end they all take turns at shoveling – except for Sam and Lucifer who have vanished into the house for far longer than it should take to mop up a bit of blood. Gabriel takes the dead guy’s cap and goes to get rid of a delivery truck that’s still parked in front of the house.

They eat in between work. Even Sam and Lucifer turn up again eventually, hair and clothes a bit more of a mess than before.

“You know,” Gabriel leans over to Dean to whisper in his ear. “For someone who protests about murder so much, your little brother suspiciously often drags Luci somewhere private after a kill.”

“Dude!” Dean protests “Too much information! Way too much information!”

By the time they get to dessert, only freshly disturbed dirt betrays where they buried the guy.

“So,” Lucifer asks over a piece of cake, “when’s Abaddon gonna drop dead?”

“Hey!” Gabriel chides. “No discussion of work until after dessert!”

“As soon as I find her,” Michael says without paying his brother any attention. “She’s hiding currently.”

“Mikey! No discussion of work! How hard can it be to just relax for a few hours?”

Sam gives a disbelieving laugh, leaning back against Lucifer. “Yeah, how hard can it be to relax with a freshly buried body in our backyard?” But he looks decidedly less tense now. Dean tries not to think about how much of that it thanks to the things Gabriel hinted at.

Lucifer wraps one arm around Sam. “Hey, look at it that way … Now you have a new flower bed.”

“No one will plant anything there except you, Lucifer,” Raphael says.

“I can go get a rose bush by tomorrow. No problem.”

Gabriel points at Lucifer with his fork. “Now that’s the kind of talk I want to hear.”

At the same time Raphael rolls her eyes. “Not roses again.”

“Well, I don’t hear any better ideas from you, sis.”

While the two Archangels bicker, Dean leans back in his own chair. He has to admit, even though there is a dead body buried in the back of his garden now, he is pretty happy with how this day turned out.

As soon as his piece of cake is finished, he leans over to Michael, though. “If I can help with Abaddon, let me know.”

Michael smiles and put his index finger over Dean’s lips. “No talk about work.”

Laughing, Dean kisses the finger, then grabs Michael’s hand to pull it away. “I mean it. I’m no damsel in distress. She threatened me. I wanna kick her ass as much as you do.”

That gets him another smile. “I know. Don’t worry, you’ll get your chance.”

Of course death threats and murder attempts are no fun, but all in all Dean thinks he can count himself very lucky that he found a man like that. He wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.


End file.
